Some of you may wonder how I can stay relatively positive or balanced in some of my writing. It might surprise you to know that I do not always consider myself to be well-balanced or positive at all! I think it is more accurate to say that my writing is therapeutic for me, and also provides a platform for sharing my thoughts with others who may find value in what is said as they work through their own internal struggles.
My writings are self-reflective and are more of a process for me to practice, with intention, an effort at seeing things from a place of non- (or, at least, less) judgement and deeper understanding. Is this easy? Definitely not! I still feel anger, and I still have strong emotional reactions. I can quite honestly say that I struggle each and every moment to not be so reactive regarding all that is going on around us. Remember, as I mentioned in an earlier post, that I started out as a child who cried often for the suffering I saw in the world. And today, the more I hear about harm being done to others, injustices being inflicted on others, corruption being rewarded, and lies and insecurity being more deeply woven into the very places we should be able to go to for truthful answers and protection, the harder it is not to become angry and not to judge.
Justice, kindness, respect, tolerance, understanding. These have been values that I have held dearly all my life, and I can become angry when I do not see these being valued and practiced by others. And I can further become enraged when I see what I perceive to be intentional harm being inflicted on others. But trying to change others is actually a form of control…… as well as an effort in futility. All we can ever really change is what is going on within ourselves. Rage can reveal to us – expose to us – unresolved feelings and emotions that we have kept buried inside of ourselves for a long time that need to be examined and dealt with, but it cannot give us an ability to change others or change events. Rage can only serve as a mechanism for us to transform ourselves. And here is the key………since I truly do believe that we all originate from a common source (a shared consciousness) – and that each of us are reflections of that source (that shared consciousness), then it would seem to me that the most effective way to change the world, is to change our own consciousness. By changing our own consciousness, we can influence ALL consciousness. Think about that for a moment! Perhaps the rage many of us have been feeling (justifiably so, I might add), is actually a triggering mechanism for exposing shared internal pain that requires self-reflection and acknowledgement to be properly healed and transformed. Perhaps this is a necessary first step in changing human consciousness on a grand scale. It’s not wrong to feel the rage……it’s actually important that we do! And then, it is even more important that we heal from it.
To get back to where I started at the beginning of this post……it is important to point out that the areas in which we need try to be non-judgemental have to do with how we look at things outside of ourselves. I know from my own experience that I have often made choices and decisions based on a lack of fully understanding all aspects of the situation. My deepest regrets in my life are of those moments when I acted or reacted from a lack of information or understanding. Did I cause harm in those moments? Yes…I did. Did I cause harm intentionally in those moments? No….that was never the intent – in fact, my reactions often had more to do with my own feelings of hurt. It is easy to assume the intentions of others, but we really don’t know what actually informs their actions. We all react based on what we think we know, and based on what we feel. People who are ill-informed do not make good decisions. People who are suffering can also often make decisions based on a fear of further suffering– and fear can also be the result of a lack of information. All we really know is what is going on inside of us alone. We can watch what occurs around us, we can help others when we see opportunities to do so or to respond to requests for help, and we can continue to expand our own understanding of things by our daily interactions in the world and through our inner reflections, but we can never really know what conversations and experiences and understandings are occurring within the heart and mind of another. It is knowing this deep down that forces me to continue to try to not judge intent, as hard as that may be for me to do – particularly when I witness actions I find to be offensive and harmful to others. I have to keep reminding myself, though that, it is the over-indulgence of judgement and fear, based on a lack of exposure to difference and a lack of information, that has created the very scary mirror for us who currently sits in the most powerful position in the world – that of President of the US.